A continuing theme when working with gifted students is perfectionism.
Like many personality traits and tendencies, perfectionism has two sides. The pursuit of excellence is something we want for all children to develop. Perfectionism can become problematic when the internal dialogue about performance causes high levels of anxiety and stress or paralyzes students from acting or taking reasonable risks for growth.
Some of the ways we work with perfectionism in Discovery, our pull-out gifted program, include allowing students to adapt or create their own assignments and projects, to work through a flexible timeline, and to make a resubmission plan for any assignment that does not meet expectations. I also conference with students regularly about not only the progress and completion of work but on the growth demonstrated throughout the semester. We focus on the creation and setting of goals for progress and to build positive scholarly habits through our time working together. Discussions about points and grades are common and serve as a point of positive negotiation. Students show me evidence and we discuss how that evidence demonstrates their learning and growth. Depending on where students’ are in their self-esteem regarding performance, sometimes I am the coach advocating through evidence that they have grown in performance level and skill. My goal is to get all students to be able to respectfully share their work and make a case for their own learning with confidence.
Some of the ways we work with perfectionism in Discovery, our pull-out gifted program, include allowing students to adapt or create their own assignments and projects, to work through a flexible timeline, and to make a resubmission plan for any assignment that does not meet expectations. I also conference with students regularly about not only the progress and completion of work but on the growth demonstrated throughout the semester. We focus on the creation and setting of goals for progress and to build positive scholarly habits through our time working together. Discussions about points and grades are common and serve as a point of positive negotiation. Students show me evidence and we discuss how that evidence demonstrates their learning and growth. Depending on where students’ are in their self-esteem regarding performance, sometimes I am the coach advocating through evidence that they have grown in performance level and skill. My goal is to get all students to be able to respectfully share their work and make a case for their own learning with confidence.
Perfectionism, in particular, can limit the ways in which gifted children define themselves and their personal and professional trajectory for the future. It is important that as the adults in our children’s lives that we help to guide them through making healthy choices in interpreting and reacting to expectations by focusing on realistic, manageable goals and the strategies needed to attain them.
Some strategies to help perfectionists manage feelings of inadequacy, task paralysis, prioritization, time management or other traits include:
- Providing a nurturing environment;
- Model mistakes as learning opportunities and demonstrate a “growth mindset”;
- Model and help your child set realistic goals and the steps needed to reach them;
- Work with your child’s teachers to break down long-term assignments into manageable chunks;
- Challenge “flawed” beliefs about negative outcomes from failure; and
- Set clear expectations for tasks or chores to limit children creating their own unrealistic assumptions of what is required.
Remember, that a perfectionist may appear outwardly as a high functioning gifted child at school. At home, parents may see the emotions that unrealistic expectations can trigger. The key is to help our children to develop coping and management strategies as school and extra-curricular demands grow larger and more rigorous. Additionally, many underachievers are hidden perfectionists afraid to engage in assignments or activities because of fear of failure. The strategies that serve to support perfectionists can help them as well.
Resources:
Helping Gifted Students Cope with Perfectionism - Davidson Institute
